Survivor Audition
Five minutes and thirty seconds of mayhem
This was recorded back, or rather re-recorded, back in 2016, after a casting agent saw an earlier draft on Youtube. This guy's name was Jesse Tannenbaum. He gave me some basic tips on how to improve the audition so he could get me on the show. I incorporated his advise and this is the result. And apparently he did pitch me to the casting director, a woman named Lynne Spillman.
Lynne had cast everyone of the 30 some-odd seasons that the show had accrued at the time. It was a whole thing. I had to be ready to go. Waivers signed, documents out the ass... it was a hefty amount of paperwork involved in doing something like this. To even be considered at the final casting table you have to have done everything that is required of every contestant to step foot on set (i.e. the island, whichever island they happen to be filming at is THE SET). Lynne was the THE BOSS. We can't be wasting the boss's time on someone who can't pass their background check, right?
Anyway I just get a kick out of the fact that this was actually pitched at a real Hollywood casting meeting. Lynne took a pass on old-drunken-Fred, but ... it would have been damn-good-TV if they put me on that show. I was such an asshole.
Anyway, enjoy. And who knows what the future may hold? Lynne's retired at this point. Tannenbaum is the boss now. He can't deny the public what they want. Nominate me (smiling emoji). I'll link to his instagram below. Click on his face and DM the mother-fucker lol.
P.S. [RE:Survivor Audition]
Just to clarify, at the end when I say, "I've known my wife for 9 years..." I was referring to how long I had known her in an intimate (or as close to intimate as we could get) way. In 2016 we had been married for 6, in a relationship for 9, and acquainted for at least 24. I first met her in middle school. We were kids. Not friends in any way, but we knew each other.